Helping Henry: Ministering to Those With Same-Sex Attractions
Essay by Eddie Moody
“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).
Henry is a college student who struggles with same-sex attraction. He knows what the Bible teaches about homosexuality. He is also aware that many in the gay community claim that he is a homosexual because he experiences same-sex attraction. Some have informed him that his failure to adopt the gay lifestyle is a denial of his true identity. He has even heard in the media that people are born homosexual, and that any attempt to suppress these urges could be harmful. Henry feels isolated and alone. If Henry were your friend, how might you try to help him?
Understanding Homosexuality
First it is wise to better understand homosexuality. Struggling with same-sex attraction does not equate to a homosexual identity. Jones and Yarhouse (2007) suggest a three-tier distinction of people: the first tier experience same-sex attraction, the second have a homosexual orientation, and the third maintain a gay or lesbian identity [1]. They cite a national study where 6.2% of males and 4.4% of females reported same-sex attraction [2].
Among those who experienced sexual attraction, some had experiences that were consistent with a homosexual orientation (2.0% of males, 0.9% of females). From this group, a smaller percentage (1.4% of women and 2.8% of men) identified as gay or lesbian. Many believe that the process whereby one identifies with the gay identity is long and that it begins early in life with an experience of same-sex attraction. This is followed by a homosexual orientation and eventual identification with a gay identity. In most models this occurs in later childhood or early adulthood [3].
What Causes Homosexuality?
In this example, Henry is part of a subpopulation that experiences same-sex attraction but does not identify himself as gay or even homosexual—though he is hearing many messages that his feelings equate with being a homosexual. The popular consensus today is that few people choose to have a homosexual or heterosexual orientation, but rather that a homosexual orientation is the result of hormonal exposure, genetic, or brain structures [4].
In the past many hypothesized that homosexuals and heterosexuals would differ in their level of testosterone or estrogen. However, subsequent research indicated that there was no difference between the testosterone or estrogen levels of homosexual and heterosexual men [5]. As a result of this research, by the 1990s, most accepted the view that hormones in adults do not determine to whom one is attracted [6].
Henry has heard claims in the media that there are genetic differences between homosexuals and heterosexuals. Bailey and colleagues have conducted some of these claims based on twins and other sibling studies [7]. However, close examination of these studies indicate design flaws because the samples were recruited from homosexual publications with subjects who would be prone to support a genetic cause for their behavior [8]. Later research conducted by the same research team with a representative sample refuted the earlier findings by failing to detect a genetic effect for a cause for homosexuality [9].
Another example, Mustanski and colleagues also conducted a study that received media attention. Upon publication many media outlets claimed that genes had been linked to homosexuality on chromosomes 7, 8, and 10. However, close examination of the study indicates that the researchers admitted the following: “We found one region of near significance and two regions close to the criteria for suggestive linkage” [10]. Placed under the microscope of the usual rigor of scientific research, one must conclude they did not find genes linked to homosexuality [11].
Researchers have also examined brain structure in search of a relationship to homosexuality. Specifically, researches have examined the brain’s hypothalamus region to determine if there was a difference between the homosexual and heterosexual. In short, they concluded that sexual orientation cannot be predicted based on the volume of the interstitial nucleus of the hypothalamus. Although brain differences were not found between homosexual and heterosexuals, the researches noted that if such differences were found, it could be a result of homosexual behavior just as well as the cause of it [12]. Though many might tell Henry he has no choice about his sexual identity. The current research is not nearly as conclusive as many claim [13].
Perhaps Henry would find an old letter from C.S. Lewis of help:
I take it for certain that physical satisfaction of homosexual desires is sin. This leaves the homosexual no worse off than any normal person who is, for whatever reason, prevented from marrying . . . Our speculations on the cause of the abnormality are not what matters and we must be content with ignorance. The disciples were not told why (in terms of efficient cause) the man was born blind (Jn. IX 1-3): only the final cause that the works of God should be made manifest in him. This suggests that in homosexuality, as in every other tribulation, those works can be made manifest: i.e. that every disability conceals a vocation, if only we can find it [14].
What Should Henry Do?
Scripture teaches that our true identity, the destiny God has given us, is often contrary to our own innate urges. A constant theme of Scripture is that we choose between a God-orientation and a self-orientation. That’s the key to the first two of the Ten Commandments (Ex. 20:3-6) and the Shema (Deut. 6:4-5). In the New Testament the theme is seen in Paul’s hymn to Christ (Philippians 2:6-11) and in the declaration of the risen Christ (Revelation 22:13) [15].
Submitting to Christ will mean that Henry takes every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:4-5) and is willing to die to self (Mark 8:34-37). This is the essence of being a disciple of Christ. To take up one’s cross is to crucify one’s self-orientation [16].
Sometimes someone like Henry believes that their innate desire to sin ends with a decision to follow Christ. Yet Paul teaches that this is an ongoing battle (Romans 5-8). This can be discouraging to Henry, and he may need your help to get that to sink in.
What Can You Do: Help Henry Find Forgiveness
McMinn reported on religious adults attending a Christian college whose sexual desire was for same-sex partners. One of the challenges they reported included self-hatred [17]. Should you find yourself trying to help Henry, it will be critical to help him see himself as a child of God in need of and capable of receiving forgiveness. This can be a point of contact with Henry as you try to help him understand and experience the grace of God.
Some have hypothesized that a rise in homosexual activity will lead to the destruction of same-sex friendships. Yet McMinn reported that young adults struggling with same-sex attraction longed for same-sex friends who would love them in a non-sexual way [18]. There is a need for friendships like David had with Jonathan, or Ruth with Naomi. McMinn notes that such friends will need to set appropriate boundaries without letting the relationship become enmeshed or dependent [19]. This kind of relationship can help defeat the feeling of isolation that people in Henry’s situation often experience.
Isolation may be the greatest threat to Henry. McMinn indicated that individuals with same-sex attraction struggled over whether it would be safe to tell a friend about their difficulty. They feared the awkwardness that could result as well as whether their friend would begin to tell others [20]. One has gone a long way toward helping Henry just by keeping his situation confidential and by continuing to be his friend.
Lastly, McMinn’s sample indicated it was unhelpful when their issue with same-sex attraction became what they were identified with. They also reported a fear of becoming a “project” or a person who needed to be “fixed” by a friend. Simply put, these people like Henry longed for a safe place to discuss their faith and their questions [21]. To help Henry, you can assist him in finding competent Christian counsel much like the function the Good Samaritan performed in getting the wounded traveler to the inn. However, you do not have to be his counselor. He needs you to be his friend, a companion who will help him find the truth and sort out the confusing messages around him. It is critical that we provide that for him.
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[1] Jones, S. L., & Yarhouse, M. A. (2007). EX-gays? A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic.
[2] Laumann, E. O., Gagnon, J. H., Michael, R. T., & Michaels, S. (1994), The social organization of sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
[3] Jones, S. L., & Yarhouse, M. A. (2007). Ibid.
[4] Ibid.
[5] Meyer-Bahlburg, H. (1984). “Psychoendocrine Research on Sexual Orientation: Current Status and Future Options,” Brain Research, 61, 375-398. Downey, J., Ehrhadrt, A. A., Schiffman, M., Dyrenfurth, I., & Becker, J. (1987). “Sex Hormones and Lesbian and Heterosexual Women,” Hormonal Behavior, 21, 314-318.
[6] Jones, S. L., & Yarhouse, M. A. (1994). Homosexuality: What we know for sure. Christian Counseling Today, 2 (3), 34-38.
[7] Bailey, J. M., & Pillard, R. C. (1993). “A genetic study of male sexual orientation.” Archives of General Psychiatry, 50, 1081-1096. Bailey, J. M., Pillard, R. C., Neale, M. C. Agyei, Y. (1993). “Heritable factors influence sexual orientation in women.” Archives of General Psychiatry, 50, 217-233.
[8] Jones, S. L., & Kwee, A. W. (2005). “Scientific research, homosexuality, and the Church’s moral debate: An Update.” Journal of Psychology and Christianity, 24 (4), 304-316.
[9] Bailey, J. M., Dunne, M. P., & Martin, N. G. (2000).“Genetic and environmental influences on sexual orientation and its correlates in an Australian twin sample.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 78, 33.
[10] Mutanski, B. S., DuPree, M. G., Nievergelt, C. M., Bocklandt, S., Schork, N. J., & Hamer, D. H. (2005), 273. “A genomewide scan of male sexual orientation.” Human Genetics, 116, 272-278.
[11] Jones, S. L., & Kwee, A. W. (2005). Ibid.
[12] Byrne, W., Tobert, S., Mattiace, L. A., Lasco, M. S. Kemether, E., Edgar, M. A., et al. (2001). “The interstitial nuclei of the human anterior hypothalamus: An investigation of variation with sex, sexual orientation, and HIV status. Hormones and Behavior, 40, 86-92.
[13] Jones, S. L., & Kwee, A. W. (2005). Ibid.
[14] Vanauken, S. V. (1977). A Severe Mercy (pp. 146-148). New York: Harper One.
[15] Gagnon, R. A. (2005). Scriptural Perspectives on Homosexuality and Sexual Identity. Journal of Psychology and Christianity, 24 (4) 293-303.
[16] Gagnon, R. A. (2005).
[17] McMinn, L. G. (2005). Sexual Identity Concerns for Christian Young Adults: Practical Considerations for Being a Supportive Presence and Compassionate Companion. Journal of Psychology and Christianity, 24 (4) 368-367.
[18] McMinn, L. G. (2005). Ibid.
[19] Ibid.
[20] Ibid.
[21] Ibid.
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About the Author: Eddie Moody is the pastor at Tippett’s Chapel Free Will Baptist Church in Clayton, NC.
July 31, 2012
Thanks for this rationally balanced and Biblically exegetical approach to such an important societal issue.