Making Men: Discipleship on Purpose
It is no secret: I have a son. He is four years old, and his name is Isaac Thor Johnston. I am proud of him, and I love him. But most importantly, I am responsible for him. When I look at him, I see a host of possibilities and adventures that he will experience in his lifetime. He will grow in wisdom and stature. And depending on my faithfulness in discipling him, he will grow in favor with God and man.
This is a task that many men overlook today, particularly fathers: The practice of making men God’s way. As fathers, yes, we oversee our sons’ physical and emotional growth. However, we must also oversee their spiritual growth too. Despite the lack of emphasis on it in today’s society, this is central to a father’s duty.
Unfortunately, recent events such as the sexual abuse allegations against former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky have many asking questions about the appropriate level of involvement between older men and younger boys. Scripture actually has much to say on this subject. It offers transformational insight and direction that is crucial for us today.
Discipleship in the Church and in the Home
A father’s spiritual responsibility to make his son(s) into a man begins with the basic command of discipleship for the service of the church. This is not a new concept, but is rooted in Scripture. We see it best exemplified in Christ, who poured Himself into the lives of twelve, simple men. Additionally, Paul, Timothy, Barnabas, Silas, Peter, John Mark, and others illustrate discipleship in action. Paul himself teaches as much in his epistles to Timothy and Titus, in which he instructs older men to disciple younger men in godliness and sound doctrine. Indeed, the biblical precedent to make men of God was and is vital to the church’s growth for God’s glory. The practice of discipleship, in other words, is tied directly to advancing the Christ’s mission and kingdom.
However, where does this idea of discipleship in the church begin? Making men begins fundamentally in the home. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 reads:
And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
As fathers, we must remember that our homes are the first field for discipleship, and more notably, in the relationship between a father and son. As the spiritual heads of the home, we are responsible for ensuring the faithful compliance of Deuteronomy 6 from the instant of our sons’ birth—once a father, always a father.
Once a Father, Always a Father
A father’s responsibility for teaching his son(s) God’s ways never wane. And in so doing, fathers should focus on what is most important. Dreams to become a great doctor, lawyer, fire fighter, policeman, or star athlete, while important, are not the most significant aim. A son’s diligence and obedience to God’s Word must come before everything else.
This means that fathers will model the fruit of the Spirit in their own lives. It means that they will become godly husbands and fathers. They must love their wives as Christ loves the church. And it means that they must exemplify Deuteronomy 6 in order that their sons too will disciple their children in the faith of the church. Despite this admonition from Deuteronomy 6, the practice of making men in recent years has decreased in the church, and sadly, it has decreased in the home—even the “Christian home.”
The culprits for the decline in fatherhood are many, but some examples include misplaced dreams and everyday busyness. For example, the average Christian father has traded mentoring his son to spiritual maturity for dreams and hopes of worldly success— such as a star athlete or multi-millionaire executive. And yet these sons cry out for nothing more than their father’s attention, affirmation, and respect. Unfortunately, these cries all-too-often fall on deaf ears, or else they are heard too late. Additionally, misplaced priorities stifle the intentional mentoring that should occur daily between a father and son. Examples include television, meetings, school functions, sports, hobbies, and even church events. In and of themselves, these things are not bad. However, when they take the place of biblical, domestic discipleship, they are more detrimental than we often realize.
“Making Men” and Discipleship
What does it mean to “make men” through discipleship? It is intentional, ongoing, and by example. First, it is intentional. Discipleship is neither something that is done off-the-cuff, nor does it take place if pursued only during special events. Rather, it should be a daily, habitual activity in which a father intentionally engages with his son to help shape and mold him unto godliness.
Second, it is ongoing. Far too often fathers feel that their jobs as such conclude once their sons reach “adulthood.” However, this is hardly the case. Remember: once a father, always a father. As long as a father is a father, he has the role and responsibility of making his son(s) into the man and spiritual disciple that God calls him to be. And this process never ends! As a matter of fact, sons often need their fathers even more in life after they’ve reached adulthood than before. Through sons’ lifetimes, fathers should continue to guide, develop, and disciple their sons through the stormy waters of manhood.
Third, undergirding all of this, it is accomplished by example. As fathers, we must display godliness in our actions. This is the most important, yet most oft-neglected need for “making men” out of our sons. We do our sons great disservice by speaking the truth, but living a lie. This is not discipleship. Our sons see it, and it sticks with them more than any verbal utterance. In other words, a father’s behavior is vital for his son’s likelihood of believing the biblical principles he is taught at home. Fathers must do their best to faithfully follow Christ in their lives through the Holy Spirit’s power as they imitate Him in front of their children. Ultimately, it is crucial for us to understand that as our sons imitate us, so too must imitate Christ.
“Making Men” And Mentorship
In addition to discipleship, fathering is also about mentorship. Yet what precisely is mentorship? And how, if at all, is it distinct from discipleship? Those in state educational departments, for example, often speak the value of mentoring as a helpful way of integrating learning with good behavior and moral formation. However, by and large, discipleship and mentorship are consonant concepts in Scripture.
So, what does it mean to “make men” through mentorship? Jerry Pipes defines a mentor as “[o]ne who walks alongside another, sharing wisdom, knowledge, and encouragement in a loving, transparent way” [1]. Therefore, in the Christian, domestic context, mentorship is that act of demonstrating biblical truths and modeling biblical behaviors on a one-on-one basis.
Hence, the purpose of mentorship is to help bring persons to maturity in Christ, as well as those skills that must accompany men. That is, fathers must instill in their sons a sense of belonging and affirmation within the body of Christ, mentoring their sons in skills of communication, physical, emotional, social, and even work.
Keys to “Making Men”
As fathers, let us take discipling and mentoring as imperative duties from God. Let us invite our sons into adulthood. Better yet, let us invite them into manhood—and on purpose. As Jim McBride remarks, “[I]t is better to invite them on purpose than to let it happen by accident” [2]. I believe it is part of our God-given responsibility to make godly men out of our boys and to help guide them to spiritual fruition and maturity.
Several examples follow of what is means to disciple and mentor Christ-like behavior in our homes. While these are not exhaustive, they are some good keys in “making men” out of our sons
Be There for Him: Yes, this constitutes being a dad, but it also constitutes being a father and man in their life, not just the one who gave them life.
Affirm Him: It is the father’s job to encourage, support, and affirm his children. Make sure affirmation is a daily part of your relationship.
Pray for Him: This is the most critical and crucial step that you can do for your son’s manhood. As a father, consult your Father on his behalf.
Be Transparent: Allow your son to see the real you. Be genuine enough to admit your faults and celebrate your victories together.
Empower Him: Do things with him, not just for him. Enable him to accomplish his goals spiritually, socially, physically, and practically.
Make the Word Central to Your Relationship: Above all else, make sure everything you do as a father is Scripture-driven and God-honoring. In the end this will bring the most rewards to your relationship and to his manhood.
_______________________________________
[1] Jerry Pipes and Victor Lee, Family to Family: Leaving a Lasting Legacy (North American Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention, 1999), 50.
[2] Jim McBride, Rite of Passage: A Father’s Blessing (Chicago: Moody, 2011), 13.
Recent Comments