What should I say? How long should my sermon be? Will there be a visitation or viewing service? I remember feeling overwhelmed preparing for my first funeral a few years ago. Honestly, I still feel this way now. Funerals can be emotionally draining for the ministry leader. You may feel an unintentional need to perform well or fix everyone’s grief all at once. The person delivering the sermon or eulogy receives a lot of pressure. Thankfully, our Lord is “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isa. 53:3, ESV).
I spend much time now as a hospice chaplain in this liminal space between dying and death. Time sort of stands still in those moments when a person is actively dying. Honestly, I hate death. I wish death was not a part of our world, but here the grass withers and flowers fade. Scripture states, “It is appointed for people to die” (Heb. 9:27). Unfortunately, ministry leaders will face this reality in their congregations. How should we prepare for these memorial services to provide comfort?
In this article, I will offer some suggestions for how to prepare for a funeral. Certainly, no service will look the same. There may be instances where you are asked to organize a service for someone you have never met. Or it could be someone you have known for your entire life. The context surrounding the deceased’s passing could affect your preparation. Some received a cancer diagnosis six months prior to their demise, while others were wrenched from their community in a tragic automotive accident on the highway. While each context will look different, some guidelines may help in a wide range of circumstances.
Give Space for the Grieving
We must understand the questions that grieving family members are asking during a funeral service: “What should I do now?” “How should I live now without Brad?” These questions are real and honest ones that we should honor. Let people know in your sermon that grief and mourning are appropriate. Encourage them to be patient and gentle with themselves. Just because people believe in life eternal does not negate the here and now of life without the person who has passed, even as we live in hope.
In these moments of grieving, we must also acknowledge what we can control and what we cannot. We tend to think that we can govern every aspect of our lives, but our mortality reminds us that we are finite. It is okay, even wise, to embrace our limitations. These times are certainly opportunities to rest on God’s sovereignty while acknowledging our need for His strength and comfort.
In my experience, we can also encourage mourners to express their love and care for other survivors because life is fragile. I will often include a section in my sermon where I remind people of the brevity of life. The occasion of a funeral inescapably reminds us of how short our time is but also reinforces the idea of spending time with friends and family. We should let those people know how much we love them, for life truly is a vapor.
Communicate the Hope of the Gospel
The more that I grow as a believer, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for the hope I have in the resurrection. In all the funerals of which I have been a part, I have held on to this truth for comfort. There is an empty grave in Jerusalem. This reality gives freedom to us in the tension of the already-not-yet aspects of life and death. As Job reminds us, “I will see him myself; my eyes will look at him, and not as a stranger” (Job 19:27).
Psalm 121 is a passage I use often when delivering a funeral sermon. The Psalmist looks for help:
I lift my eyes toward the mountains.
Where will my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth (Ps. 121:1–2).
This psalm is comforting because it reminds us that God is there, and He is not silent. God, Who has all power, not only created all things but also gave creation its beauty. The God Who has the power to give creation its beauty helps us in our time of need.
The Psalmist then describes God as our protector:
He will not allow your foot to slip;
your Protector will not slumber.
Indeed, the Protector of Israel
does not slumber or sleep.
The Lord protects you;
the Lord is a shelter right by your side.
The sun will not strike you by day
or the moon by night (Ps. 121:3–6).
Some form of the word keep is used three times in this Psalm. It means to guard, to protect, or to be faithful. This passage reminds us that the Maker of heaven and earth is never too busy to care for you and I. He cares about the details in our lives, even in those moments when we experience sorrow. He keeps a constant watch over us to attend to our needs.
God is also there to rescue us. The psalmist reflects,
The Lord will protect you from all harm;
he will protect your life.
The Lord will protect your coming and going
both now and forever (Ps. 121:7-8).
God is there with us when we face trouble. The Psalmist reminds us that this rescue is eternal: “The Lord will protect your coming and going both now and forever.”
After the Funeral
One element that we often miss in preparing for funerals is how to care for ourselves after the service. Likely, you will feel drained or tired after delivering a funeral sermon or eulogy—probably more tired than after your Sunday morning sermon. We are prone to move past these feelings quickly and on to the next task. However, it is imperative to tend to the memories and feelings that arise after a funeral service. Prayer offers a wonderful way to process these feelings and care for yourself. I recently started implementing this time of prayer after funeral services and have found it helpful for my own self-care.
Spend time praying for the families and friends of those affected by the funeral. The service may have been so emotionally draining that you cannot pray. Thankfully, when we do not know how to pray in these moments, the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings (Rom. 8:26).
After caring for yourself, you might think through ways to serve the person or family in the days after the funeral. This step may not be necessary for everyone, but it could be helpful for some. Family members will return home. Friends will return to work. However, grief continues. Simply writing a condolence card, providing meals, or donating money are tangible ways to express the love of Christ.
Dying and death will always be part of our lives until the Lord returns. Grief will be present, and people will be looking for comfort. Thankfully, God’s mercies are new every morning. It is not unfitting to feel sad or angry about the reality of death. In these times, our focus should be fixed on Jesus, Who tasted death, the ultimate tragedy, for everyone (Heb. 2:9).
Recent Comments