I was privileged this past May to officiate a wedding, my third such occasion. I am so grateful to the happy couple who asked me, who I consider dear friends. After introducing the service and singing some great hymns of the faith, I preached a homily that was meant to instruct, encourage, and inspire, before leading them in the exchanging of vows and rings. In this post, I share an adaptation of my homily, which reflected on four purposes of marriage.
A Private Purpose: Faithfulness and Friendship
Firstly, marriage is an intimate, faithful friendship. Genesis 2:22–25 reads:
And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “At last this is bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called ‘woman,’ Because she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked, but they were not ashamed (NASB).
Some things in marriage must not be shared; emotional, psychological, sexual, and spiritual intimacies are uniquely yours. So, set up clear boundaries in your lives to protect what should be protected. As a married couple, you are a family. Engage in family activities from the very beginning. Faithfully practice family devotions. Cook together. Shop together. Read books together. Continue to date and be romantic even after you marry. Prioritize trips together to get away (preferably once a year). Invest in yourselves.
But do not invest only in yourselves.
A Social Purpose: Fruitfulness
A second purpose of marriage is fruitfulness. Fruitfulness is not often the first thing that comes to mind when a young couple thinks about marriage. However, it is technically the first instruction God gives to humanity: “be fruitful” (Genesis 1:28). Yes, fruitfulness refers to being open to literal children, natural or adopted. But more broadly, it refers to selflessness, generosity, and other such virtues. Behind every command or law or rule in Scripture is a principle; and the principle here is selflessness. Fruitfulness is about investing in others rather than in yourselves.
Do not think of your marriage firstly as an institution by which you exclusively seek your own interest. Think of it as an institution through which you invest in others, through which you serve others. Have children, yes, to the extent God calls you to it. But also invite people into your homes. Volunteer in your local community. Encourage those God puts in your path, especially those whom others treat as outcasts. Go to weddings and funerals and graduations and all those important events that arise at inconvenient times—people remember them. Serve the church. In short, learn to think of the second great commandment, “love your neighbor,” not simply as an individual command but also as a corporate command. Cultivate a fruitful marriage.
For these points of faithfulness and fruitfulness, imagine marriage as a quaint cottage. The cottage has windows and doors by which the outside world may come in—everything from sunshine and beautiful days to rain and storms. Your marriage is like that cottage, letting the outside world in. Hence, it is a place where you can be fruitful, a place where you can invest in others, a place where you can serve others and practice hospitality. Some people are doing well, whereas others are struggling deeply; some people’s lives are sunshine, whereas others are storm. Use your marriage as a means by which you celebrate and laugh and grieve and cry with the people God places in your lives.
However, not every room in the cottage is available to others; some rooms are off limits, uniquely and specially yours. Protect those rooms with a fierce, godly jealousy.
A Public Purpose: Foundation for Society
A third purpose of marriage is that it is God’s principal foundation for society. This purpose is a logical consequent of the first two purposes. Recall Genesis 1: be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, subdue the earth, and rule over its creatures. Marriage is the foundation for society. The public purpose of marriage explains why we Christians care so deeply about defining marriage rightly within society—because we know it is the foundation of society itself, and if the foundation is compromised, then that which it supports is also compromised.
Your marriage should be an example, a picture, a testament, of what society and culture should look like. Therefore, be the men and women God created you to be. Create and consume and enjoy the kinds of culture that honor God. Support the kinds of social gatherings and societal norms that honor God.
Imagine your marriage as a movie. Bad movies are embarrassing and rightly the subject of criticism. Good movies, however, are wonderful. They astound us, amaze us, inspire us; they focus our attention and passion and action in ways that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). Just as good movies are an important foundation of the cinematic arts, so also good marriages are an important foundation for the social arts. Sadly, not all marriages (or so-called marriages) provide good public foundations; they are like bad movies.
Your marriage should be like a good movie. How do you make a good movie? You follow the example of great directors. How do you make a good marriage? You follow the example of great marriages. Look to others and learn from them. How do they make it work? They locate their marriage in Christ and in His Word. The calling of marriage is a high calling, but it is not always an easy calling. So be patient and gracious toward one another. And remember that, in the end, God is the movie critic, the marriage critic, Who matters most. Follow His vision for your lives.
A Religious Purpose: Figure of Christ
A final purpose of marriage is that it is a figure or picture of the greater marriage between Christ and the church. This purpose is its religious purpose. “This mystery is great,” says Paul, “but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32). Again, Revelation 19 reads, “Let’s rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, because the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His bride has prepared herself” (v. 7). These other purposes exist in subservience to this greater purpose: that your marriage would image that greater marriage.
In the beginning, God gave to Adam and Eve both priestly and kingly roles: subdue or steward the earth (priestly) and have dominion or rule over its creatures (kingly). Therefore, in the beginning, God gave to man and woman roles of both service (subdue) and authority (rule). In a manner of speaking, we see the model of servant leadership as early as Genesis 1. Jesus Christ, the agent of creation, perfectly demonstrates servant leadership in His incarnation, exercising authority over His bride, instructing the church in His Word, yet also doing so in holy submission to God the Father. Your marriage should image that marriage, including both service and authority.
Each of you are servants to the Lord and to one another, and each of you are leaders in Christ’s creation and kingdom. In Ephesians 5, Paul instructs wives to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord” (v. 22), or only insofar as his leadership reflects the authority God has given him; that is, the husband’s leadership reflects his submission to Christ. Paul then proceeds to instruct husbands: “love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (v. 25). Hence, the husband’s love, the husband’s authority, is sacrificial. It is not unkind or oppressive; it is patient and good and faithful and gentle (Galatians 5:22–23). In his leadership, the husband serves the Lord and serves his wife.
The wife, in her submission, respects her husband as he submits to the Lord (v. 33). At the same time, she recognizes the role of legitimate authority and strength that she as a wife has as a leader of the home. As Proverbs 31 states, “She surrounds her waist with strength / And makes her arms strong” (v. 17). In short, both husband and wife have duties of service and rule in different ways, and each balances the other in the best ways possible.
Conclusion
By attending themselves to these four purposes, you will have a God-honoring marriage. Protect what is yours; be the very best of faithful friends; invest in yourselves. Serve others; be fruitful; invest in society. Recognize the public importance of marriage, which extends beyond your social circles. Finally, reflect the relationship between Christ and His bride through your marriage in each of these purposes because it is a figure of that greater marriage.
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