On Friday, May 6, 2022, Welch College graduated forty-one students. I had the privilege of giving the charge at the Graduate Breakfast the day before. What follows is an adapted version of my speech.
I begin with these simple words: I am proud of you. Not only have you persevered through your program of study, which is hard enough; but you have done so amid the added pressures created by the difficult circumstances of the past several years. So, I am proud of you, I am thankful for you, and I am excited to see what God has planned for you.
In the past, whether in the classroom or in the hallway, I have addressed you as “students.” Today I address you as “graduates.” You are graduates of Welch College, and we celebrate that accomplishment today at this breakfast and at the awards chapel and at baccalaureate, and tomorrow we celebrate it at commencement.
Literally, the word student refers to someone who applies him- or herself to a given thing, and the word graduate refers to someone who takes a step. Over the course of the past two or four years, you have been a student: you have applied yourself (presumably!) to the task of education. Now, having applied yourself, you are taking a big step: you are graduating. Perhaps for this reason, people often ask recent graduates, “What’s your next step?”
Perhaps your next step is graduate school or a job or marriage or a ministry opportunity or a break (!) or some combination of these things. Whatever it is, I offer you this challenge: practice the discipline of thankfulness.
Thankfulness
As Christians we are thankful, first, to the triune God, Who has created us in His image and has redeemed us by His grace. Colossians 3:17 reads, “Whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father” (NASB). The paradigm of Scripture is such that the vertical flows into the horizontal. Our thankfulness to God manifests in how we interact with others, including thankfulness.
Cultivate this virtue deep within the soil of your heart. Tend to it daily so that it is characteristic of you every day and in every circumstance. By growing this virtue in your life, you will go further in God’s call on your life than without it. By growing this virtue in your life, you will be more effective as a leader who serves Christ, His Church, and His world through Biblical thought and life—in whatever context to which God calls you.
Some of the friends with whom I graduated are now businessmen, editors, lawyers, ministers, school administrators, and so forth. That is to say: they hold the authority to hire people as interns and employees. Here is what they say: If someone is smart with a strong resume but is not polite or kind or considerate but rather entitled and presumptuous and rude, then they often get passed over for that opportunity.
Recognize that emotional intelligence and social intelligence are vastly important. Learn propriety, learn to regard others, and learn to read the situation: What are they thinking? How are they feeling? How might they receive what I say? Is this the right time?
I do not know about you, but I can often get in my own way. Usually, I do not mean anything unflattering by my manner; the fact is that I am often so focused on my own concerns that I am simply not thinking about others. But, of course, that is the problem: I am not thinking about others.
How can we avoid getting in our own ways? How can we avoid foot-in-mouth syndrome? How can we be the kinds of people that others want to hire and work with and minister with and invest in? By disciplining ourselves in the virtue of thankfulness. Think about it: Thankfulness takes us beyond ourselves because, usually, it means we are thankful for something. Thankfulness makes us others-centered rather than self-centered.
Sometimes we think of the word discipline in a negative light: “I was disciplined for my bad behavior.” But discipline is not negative. It is positive. Consider sports, a favorite analogy of the Biblical writers: Athletes must discipline themselves if they are going to succeed at their task. The best athletes discipline themselves in terms of training, eating, sleeping—you name it. They follow practices that may seem hard but that get them to their goals. Perhaps they get up really early or follow a strict diet or extreme fitness regimen.
Practical Tips
If we would discipline ourselves to learn thankfulness, what are some practices we might follow to discipline ourselves in this virtue?
(1) Visualize your day.
Visualize your interactions with others before you interact with them so that you increase the prospects of exhibiting thankfulness. Also, visualize the last time you met with that person. What concerns did they express that you can ask about to demonstrate empathy? Perhaps you visualize such interactions in the context of Bible intake or prayer. Visualization means slowing down, and it means thinking beyond the immediate so that you are thinking back and thinking ahead.
(2) Begin by saying, “thank you.”
Begin your communications with people with a word of appreciation to them. Address people formally, show deference, and make sure it is a good time. These principles apply whether you are interacting in person or via email. By so doing, we signal an others-centeredness rather than a self-centeredness. People are busy; they do not have to give us their time. But they do, and we should be thankful. Consider the fact that the apostle Paul frequently began his letters by expressing thanksgiving for the people to whom he wrote before getting into the subject at hand (e.g., 1 Corinthians 1:4; Ephesians 1:16; Philippians 1:3; Colossians 1:3; Philemon 1:4; 1 Thessalonians 1:2).
(3) Send a follow-up note.
Imagine you have an interview or a meeting with an important person. Or imagine someone takes time out of his or her day to invest in you (including the type of investment that is corrective in nature). A day or two later, consider sending a follow-up note through text or email: “Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me. I really appreciate it.” To many people, the failure to practice this type of discipline communicates a lack of thankfulness, whether we intended it as such or not.
Consider this example: Someone applied for a $1500 scholarship. The application required her to write an essay. Upon receiving the scholarship, she sent a note to a few of her teachers, saying, “The work I did in your classes prepared me very well to write that essay. They notified me today that I was chosen as the recipient.” This person not only sent a follow-up note; she also sent it on the very day she received the good news—very classy. That example demonstrates someone who has cultivated the virtue of thankfulness.
(4) Write random letters.
Once or twice a year, pick half a dozen people and write them a letter of appreciation. This practice differs from the previous ones I have mentioned because it is not prompted by your daily duties or interactions.
Fairly regularly, I hear from some faculty member or minister or professional about how he or she received a note from a previous co-worker or student (sometimes from decades back), randomly reaching out to them to say, “thank you for investing in me.” Practice this kind of discipline with respect to family members or church leaders or work peers.
(5) Actively resist the urge to complain.
Or as Paul says, “Do all things without complaining” (Philippians 2:14). Complaining turns us inward, makes us myopic; complaint is the enemy of thankfulness.
(6) Pray that God would give you a thankful disposition.
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16–18).
(7) Spend time around people who bring out the best in you rather than those that do not.
“Walk in the way of good people / And keep to the paths of the righteous. . . As iron sharpens iron, So one person sharpens another” (Prov. 2:20; 27:17).
(8) Fill your mind with songs of thanksgiving rather than those that inspire a bitter spirit.
Sing with the Gettys: “My heart is filled with thankfulness / To Him who bore my pain; Who plumbed the depths of my disgrace / And gave me life again.”
Or sing with Andrew Peterson, “But when you see the morning sun / Burning through a silver mist . . . And when you see the spring has come / And it warms you like a mother’s kiss / Don’t you want to thank someone? Don’t you want to thank someone for this?”
By contrast, other songs—and, indeed, other productions of art and/or entertainment more generally—may inspire bitterness, selfishness, and other qualities antithetical to a thankful spirit.
Such practices train us in the godly discipline of thankfulness. But training oneself in the discipline of thankfulness is not always easy. In fact, sometimes it is downright hard.
Challenges
What if the person to whom you are expressing thankfulness does not express it back? Even worse, what if he or she lacks grace and tact and are downright rude? Even so, practice the discipline of thankfulness. Romans 12 reads, “Never repay evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all people. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people. Never take your own revenge” (vv. 17–19a). Or as Colossians 3:15 reads: “Let the peace of Christ . . . rule in your hearts; and be thankful.”
What if you do not feel particularly thankful toward a given person or church or job or school or whatever? Even so, practice the discipline of thankfulness. In fact, it is the difficult people and the difficult organizations that really test the quality of our cultivation of this virtue. Anyone can go out and run on a greenway or shoot some hoops. Only when we place ourselves in a race with other runners or on the court with other players do we test the quality of our talent. Hard circumstances—difficult people—train us in thankfulness.
He [God] causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Even the tax collectors, do they not do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Even the Gentiles, do they not do the same? Therefore you shall be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect (Matthew 5:45b–48).
Jesus is giving us a principle here: the Christian ethic calls us to go above and beyond that of the proverbial Gentile or tax collector; the Christian ethic calls us to practice thankfulness to all people. “Be filled with the Spirit . . . always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to our God and Father” (Ephesians 5:18b, 20).
Conclusion
Whether you interact with a family member, a church peer, a deacon or pastor, a work peer, a boss, a secretary, a teacher—anyone—interact with them through a disposition of thankfulness. Whether you get along with them or not, interact with them through a disposition of thankfulness.
At times, you will falter and downright fail. But struggle is a great teacher. Remain humble and seek forgiveness when you mess up. Keep at it. Work at this virtue, in the strength of the Lord, so that it may go well with you as you follow God’s will for your life.
You may have heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Who are those in your village—family, friends, mentors, and so forth? Remember to thank them.
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