by Emily Vickery
The first thing that comes to mind when I think of Corrie is the smell of a home-cooked meal. Corrie was a former youth group member from my parents’ early ministry, and she came back into our lives when I was entering middle school. She is ten years younger than my parents, and I thought she was cool. She taught me how to style my curly hair and how to dress for my 5’1 frame, lessons that seemed vital to my seventh-grader heart. But perhaps the biggest lesson she taught me was that a home-cooked meal brings people together in a way few things can.
Corrie’s family has a special prayer that they all pray together at any mealtime: “For health, for food, for loving care, for friends and blessings everywhere, Our Father God, we thank Thee.” It has been many years now since I sat down at her family table, but I can recall these words to mind in a moment because her family table was a place of discipling.
A History of the Table
The table and, by extension, the kitchen were once central points of the home. Family meals were main events of the day, and the home was oriented toward communing together. However, with the rise of portable trays and TV dinners in the 1970s, the focal point of the home moved from the kitchen or dining room to the living room. Rather than gathering around a table to share a home-cooked meal, families sat in front of the television to watch their favorite program.
Today, with the proliferation of streaming services, social media, and smartphones, families are less likely to gather at all. Instead, they choose to eat their dinners in the car, on the go, or in their rooms, focusing less on the food consumed and more on their personal screens. Arthur Boers, in his book Living into Focus, refers to this shift as a “hollowing out” of mealtimes.[1]
Do Mealtimes Matter?
Does the proliferation of “cheap-and-easy” meals harm us? Of course, we have all heard nutrition experts warning us about the dangers of ultra-processed foods and addictive fast-food fare. But what do we lose, beyond nutritional value, when we opt for frozen chicken tenders over homemade chicken and rice? What are we missing when we visit the drive-through more often than our own dining room?
When we rely on pre-packaged or ready-made meals for most of our sustenance, we become further removed from the processes, traditions, and labor that goes into making the meals we eat. Preparing a home-cooked meal is not always a pleasant task to consider at the end of a busy day. However, when we outsource the crafting of our foods to the freezer aisle or the fast-food restaurant, we miss the opportunity to have a hand in the process of providing nourishment for ourselves and our families. It also discourages us from mindfully considering the sources of our foods and the people who prepared or cultivated the ingredients before they arrived on our plate.
According to Boers, we also lose a focal practice that draws and holds families together.[2] It is impossible in today’s world not to know or love families that have been affected by divorce. While the ritual of a daily family meal is not a cure-all for marital or familial woes, it does act as a signal and daily reminder of the family’s priority of coming together and hearing from one another. The things we choose to practice (or not to practice) in our daily lives show us clearly what we value as a family.[3] When we allow the busyness of work, extracurriculars, or life in general to divert us from coming together daily to eat and speak with one another, we may unwittingly communicate to ourselves and others that the activities in which we participate are more important to us than the people with whom we live.
Perhaps the most important thing forfeited in practicing on-the-go food consumption is the chance for daily mealtime discipleship. Moses commands the Israelites to repeat the words of the Law to their children, talking about the Word of God in their homes and at various times throughout the day (Deuteronomy 6:7). A family meal is a prime opportunity to model and discuss family values, from the opening prayer of thanksgiving to the conversation that occurs as we eat together. However, if we find ourselves too busy to carve out time to eat together as a family, we have probably made ourselves too busy for daily discipleship opportunities as well.
Where Do We Go from Here?
It is all well and good to recognize that how we take our meals matters. But how can we prioritize a sit-down meal with such hectic day-to-day lives? Are we truly expected to serve Food Network-level meals in between work, school, and soccer practice? Even for those of us who enjoy cooking, the constant planning and making of meals can feel draining on the best of days and downright impossible during more difficult seasons. A few tips and reminders aref beneficial as we attempt to honor this mealtime practice.
First, keep things simple. Too often we put off working toward good habits because we feel that even our early attempts must be perfect. Our plates need not be Instagram-worthy to nourish our families well. Candlelit dinners and fine china make for lovely experiences, but families can grow together over paper plates and Chinese takeout, too. Thinking back on meals shared at Corrie’s table, many of them involved her delicious home cooking, but some of our best conversations happened at the end of busy days over slices of pizza from our favorite local spot. Perhaps reverting purely to homemade meals is not an option at first; we can still shift toward table and family-centered meals, even if the fare is fast food.
Second, get the whole family involved. Giving each member of the family food-related tasks helps them feel a vested interest in each meal. This step requires patience; I am a much faster (and neater) dish washer than my two-year-old son, but I am nowhere near as joyful as he is in the process. Persevere, however: as children grow and parents become more confident in their mealtime chores, even the mundane times of preparing before and cleaning up after meals can become opportunities to spend time with loved ones and laugh and talk with one another.
Lastly, have a plan. This may look like meal planning for the week each Saturday, but do not buy into the lie that you must spend all of your weekends meal prepping in order to be able to eat at home throughout the week. Having a few simple meal staples in your kitchen (e.g., pasta and spaghetti sauce, some frozen vegetables for quick sides, even boxed macaroni and cheese) can keep you from rushing through the drive-through and help you feel more adaptable when life throws a curveball (or a Monday) your way.
Beyond plans for meals, it may also be beneficial to know how you want to utilize mealtimes as opportunities for family discipleship. At Corrie’s house, this is accomplished through family prayer and quality conversations. My grandparents expect everyone to stay at the table after family-style breakfast is served to read a few chapters of Scripture together. Some families with small children use theology or discipleship “conversation starter” cards. The options and resources are endless.
Conclusion
Whatever the flavor of your own family’s mealtime practices, the important thing is to keep showing up at the table. Eating alone (or with others but effectively alone due to screentime distractions) will often be easier than intentionally coming together as a family. It takes sacrifice—of our time, our energies, and our own selfish desires—to practice a slower-paced family life with any consistency. But we will miss much more than a meal when we fail to come together at the family table.
About the Author: Emily Vickery lives in Pleasant View, TN, with her husband, Zach, and children, Jack and Daisy. She has a B.S. in Psychology from Welch College and an M.A. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from the University of the Cumberlands. She works part-time at Welch College in the Institutional Research Office. She also enjoys serving alongside her husband, who pastors Oaklawn FWB Church. Her interests include reading, playing the piano, visiting local parks, and, most recently, attempting to learn the art of sourdough bread.
[1] Arthur Boers, Living into Focus: Choosing What Matters in an Age of Distractions (Grand Rapids: Brazos, 2012), 33.
[2] Ibid., 17.
[3] Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross, Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids (New York: Ballentine, 2009), xiii.
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