Who Do You Think You Are? A Youngish Mother Examines Internet Culture

I am sure we have all heard the phrase, “Who do you think you are?” maybe in a movie when one character feels particular disgust toward or frustration with another character. Maybe you have asked this question of a person in your life, seriously or sardonically. I think, though, that this a good question for us to ask ourselves, and I fear that, for many more of us than would like to admit it, the answer to the question could involve the Internet, more specifically, social media.

Certainly, the Internet has brought good things to our society. It is convenient to have easy access to information. It is great to have the ability to stay more easily in contact with those we love who do not live near us through email or social media accounts (though, be honest, are we actually good at this form of communication? I’m not.)

On the other hand, the Internet certainly has brought many bad things to our society. The proliferation of pornography and the ease with which it is accessed have wreaked havoc on society, threatening marriage and destroying innocence. The Internet has made it easier for predators to lure victims to danger through dating apps, chatrooms, and fake profiles. Even the very means by which we consume information on the Internet rewires our brains in ways that make us less attentive and more intellectually lazy.

But perhaps the most insidious way the Internet has changed us is that we allow it to formulate our ideas, and more seriously, our identities. Social media in particular plays an outsized role in this formation, and we who use the Internet regularly would do well to ask ourselves, “Why do I think the way that I think? Who do I think I am?” It is possible that the answers will surprise us, and we will realize that we have subconsciously adopted thoughts and practices solely because of our online lives.

Ideas

First, we should consider if our social media feeds have influenced our ideas. Do we hold certain positions because the people we follow online hold them? Because our culture demands we espouse certain ideas on our own social media accounts? Because we want to conform to a certain identity group we see online (more on this below)? Because we merely feel that what we are told in Instagram reels, through tweets, and on Facebook is true?

Of course, that’s not to say that there aren’t good ideas that are worth adopting to be found on the Internet and on social media. Since Christian teaching and traditional morality have been pushed to the margins by legacy media outlets, the Internet has provided a means by which solid Biblical and Christian teaching and thinking can be widely disseminated. The same is true of conservative social and political views.  

Nonetheless, we are so prone to unreflectively adopt the opinions and believe the “facts” that we see in our social media feeds, on questionable websites, and in other places. We examine claims no further than the thirty-second video clip or the pithy, witty tweet we see. We allow our emotions to be manipulated by the influencers and activists we watch and read and rely solely on these emotional responses to form our views without involving our reason in the process. (I can attest to this: every time I see a Facebook ad for some sort of weight loss plan/strategy/supplement, some nugget of information about hormones or exercise or calories becomes a part of my weight loss “knowledge.”) We then share what we think we have learned with our social circles on the Internet or in real life.

Think of social and political hot topics of our time. How much of your opinion about a particular battle of the current culture war was formed by the claims you saw a favorite Internet personality espouse? How do you know they did not manipulate the statistics they provided? We must remember that in our post-truth society, fallen people in power (political, journalistic, or otherwise) are happy to manipulate studies, misrepresent opponents, and even lie to accomplish their ends.

One good example of this principle is the debate around abortion. Many Internet personalities and influencers falsely claim that conservative abortion laws make miscarriage care illegal or conflate miscarriages and abortion or accuse pro-life advocates of caring only about birth, not about the mother or the child himself. Yet I have even seen Christian friends unreflectively give credence to some of these notions. It is so important that we practice discernment and evaluate what we see first through the lens of Scripture and then through the lens of reality and truth.

Identity

Allowing the Internet to form our ideas is bad enough, but it is much worse when we allow the Internet to form our identities. Social media algorithms curate content based on what we view online to personalize our feeds and sell us certain lifestyles. Maybe you consider yourself to be a young, hip, suburban mom (I suppose I would fall into this category myself, though I am most assuredly not hip and maybe not even all that young). You follow all the Instagram accounts that comport with your social standing. You buy the Stanley cup (not the hockey championship trophy, the new Yeti thing that is not a Yeti). You adopt the aesthetic you see for your home and your wardrobe.

Of course, it is not necessarily wrong to find inspiration from online accounts. But do you consider to what extent your social media feeds determine the decisions you make and influence even what you believe about yourself? For example, many of the young, hip, suburban mom influencers I see on my Instagram create content that endlessly highlights the hardships of motherhood and family life. Young mothers are constantly reminded of the burden that children can be or of the notion that husbands are so often unhelpful louts, especially compared to you, young mother, who gives so much of yourself that you have lost who you truly are. (Ironically, a currently popular identity is to be someone who has lost her identity.) Reel after reel presents you with the idea that you are underappreciated, that you do not receive the recognition and praise for the difficult and often unnoticed tasks you perform.

So many young mothers have embraced this identity, adopting this view of themselves and the place to which God has called them in this particular season of life. Of course, there are difficulties associated with raising children and running households, particularly for women who find themselves working outside of the home as well. But the identity sold to us in these social media videos and posts is not one that merely acknowledges these difficulties. It instead revels in them and laser-focuses on them, which ultimately fosters resentment towards husbands and children. We begin to view the blessings of motherhood and family life as burdens and to view ourselves as virtuous victims of our circumstances or of the nebulous but nefarious “patriarchy.” This identity does not honor God; instead, it elevates self.

Of course, young, hip, suburban mom is only one of many identities that we are tempted to form based on online content, and may, perhaps, be one of the more innocuous ones. Just think of many of the newly discovered protected classes in the United States that demand absolute fealty from each person to the detriment of what is true and good and beautiful. So much of this identity formation occurs online in chatrooms and through TikTok and Instagram. We are just beginning to see the real-world consequences of such radical identity formation, consequences that challenge the foundations of Western Civilization.

When we allow the Internet to shape our identities, we construct an artificial sense of self and who we ought to be based on online content rather than on where and when God has placed us and, most importantly, on who His Word tells us we are and are to be, on who He calls us to be. Online identity formation causes us to reject the heritage we have been given. It requires us to spend our time and energy maintaining the pretense of whatever momentary image we have adopted instead of spending them on the small faithfulnesses to which God calls us each day.[1]

Conclusion

Perhaps the premise of this essay is too obvious, too simple, too much of a dead horse that is beaten too often by too many people. Still, I think it is important to think carefully and honestly about how the Internet is subtly forming our ideas and identities. We subconsciously adopt ideas and identity when we are uncritically consuming content or unscrupulously repeating or sharing things we see online.

It is important that all Christians who use the Internet, particularly social media, examine themselves. Do we hold certain positions because they are backed up by facts or because they are popular with Internet friends and personalities? Do we behave this way because it comports with the place and position God has given us or because we have been influenced by an archetype we have repeatedly seen on the Internet? Are we behaving or performing in certain ways or espousing trendy ideologies to fit in or to be seen as virtuous by others? If we find ourselves answering “yes” to these questions more often than we would like, let us seek the Lord to guide us in truth and to help us form our identities in Him.  


[1] I have been personally encouraged by the podcast Sheologians to fulfill these everyday faithfulnesses to which I am called.

Author: Christa Thornsbury

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